Some other reasons you won't find me at the masjid

     And I mean the reasons apart from the wholesale gender apartheid rampant in mosques throughout the US. There are several masjids in my city and the accommodations range from tolerable to nonexistent. At the one I used to attend (that my husband still attends regularly), the room is big enough, but is used primarily as a storage space. It's entirely removed from the main congregation; women can't see the imam, but only hear him via a single crackling, screeching loudspeaker. Not that most are paying attention anyway, after all, it's been made quite clear that their participation in the service is unnecessary. Since the khutba and prayer aren't for them and their presence is merely tolerated, why should they listen? Better to cluster up for a nice gossip and take the opportunity to let the kids run about for a while.
     But segregation and inferior accommodations alone did not drive me from the masjid. So without further ado, some reasons, chosen at random from my ever-growing list.
     Reason 416.7
     Political diatribes masquerading as khutbas. Ninety-five percent of sermons are about politics. While the goings on in Palestine, Lebanon, and the rest of the Arab states are surely important, it would be refreshing if once in a while we might hear about Islam. (Note: I mention Arab states because Arabs predominate here. I'm sure if this hood were primarily South Asian, I'd be complaining about the barrage of Indo-Pak-centric sermons.)
     Reason 212.4
     This one is tangentially related to reason 416: The nurturing of our persecution complex. Every single week, we hear about how the world is against us, how there is a vast conspiracy to humiliate and conquer Muslims. We hear that we must be wary of all non-Muslims and ready at a moment's notice to defend Islam against...well, against pretty much the entire world. Nary a mention of the problems within our communities (unless it's about the number of Muslims engaged in illicit sex, in which case it's blamed on "Western media" anyway). Yes, our internal issues are best swept under the rug.
     Reason 671 
     Strong arm fundraising tactics. Last year I went for Tarawih one fine evening. Throughout the night, we were hearing about our responsibility to support orphans (Palestinian orphans). Finally, the imam paused and shouted, "BROTHERS, WE WILL NOT PROCEED UNTIL WE HAVE COLLECTED AT LEAST $5000." And we didn't. There we sat for almost 30 minutes in relative silence as the masjid minions waded through the crowd, stopping in front of each of us to give us the stare of death ("sisters" were expected to give as well, even though we didn't warrant a mention from the imam). This doesn't happen only in Ramadan, but every single week those attending Jumma are bullied into giving to someone's cause. Now, I'm a great promoter of charity and I do think it's every Muslim's responsibility to give as much as he or she can, but am I mistaken in saying it's meant to be done privately? Charity loses much of its blessing if one is shamed into giving. I also wonder why no one has considered that there are among us those who literally do not have a penny to give.
     Reason 38.9
     Unqualified speakers. Most masjids have Friday guest speakers who are seemingly chosen at random from a pool of available men. One would think this would ensure a fresh and ever changing perspective. Alas, most are not only ill informed about religion, they're terrible public speakers. At my most recent masjid, there is a large number of black American converts, many of whom are invited to speak (that is, the men are invited). They are, to a man, proudly introduced as "Brother So-and-So, who came to Islam X-number of months ago." Said convert will relate his conversion story, then tell how he spent three months "upon the knowledge" in Yemen or KSA, funded by the generosity of the congregation. He will then proceed, with his newly acquired slightly foreign-sounding accent, to rant for 30 minutes about the "kuffar" and how important it is to be "upon" various things (the haq, the minhaj, the knowledge, whatever). Embarrassing. The point is to congratulate ourselves for gaining converts and to seem less racist, which is awful in its own right, but we do it by forcing the congregation listen to meaningless drivel picked up from websites and "teachers," then regurgitated for the rest of us.
     Reason 709
     The stench. A masjid is the very last place on the planet one should expect to find rampant body odor and foul feet. And do please spare me the "some people have a disorder..." excuse. It is statistically impossible that so many hundreds of people gathered in the same place should, all by chance, have the same funky disease. That the men have just come from work also doesn't cut it. While a number do perform manual labor, taxi drivers and waiters should not smell like anything apart from motor oil and french fries. Not to mention that a huge part of the overall stink emanates from the women's section, wherein fully half are either teachers in the attached Islamic school, receptionists, or homemakers. No  excuse for the reek of unwashed bodies and clothing there either. I've also heard "wearing deodorant is alien to such-and-such culture." Fair enough, but I'm talking about skipping soap and water, apparently for weeks on end and far outside any country plagued by water shortages, alhamdulillah. I really want to know where so many Muslims got the idea that it's ok to stand before the Creator while smelling like a donkey.
     Reason 2
     The Shady Sheikh. I'm not talking about one in particular, but it's a serious problem at a number of masjids in the area. I can't stomach the thought that the ones who are meant to be setting an example for the rest of us are so often the worst hypocrites among us. The so-called sheikhs in this city engage in insurance scams, embezzlement, cover up for abusive men, perform Green Card marriages for cash, and pressure female converts to marry men who need papers, are already married, or have just been released from prison.The common response, when one points out that our community leaders are little better than criminals, is "But he went to Azhar!" To that I say pssshhhhhh. Azhar, like any other institution, has its share of bad students and people who misuse or misunderstand what they learn (though it does seem suspicious that so many of those ended up in this city). The other thing we're not supposed to mention is, that because Azhar is free and many other religious institutions are relatively low cost, the slowest or most inept kid in a family is often the one who gets religious training, while the most promising are sent off to be lawyers or engineers. Same goes for families with a lot of kids. The money for education is depleted by the first three or four and the rest have to study religion. So in many cases, it's not that one has any vocation or the desire to study the din, rather that there's no more money and religious education is a sure way to a steady income. In fact, it's a joke among many people. If someone's kid screws up or gets bad grades, parents will often laughingly say, "Well he'll have to study religion." Thus the unqualified and downright stupid end up being the people who run our mosques.


     The above list is by no means exhaustive. There are plenty of other reasons I'm not likely to set foot in a masjid any time soon. These are just some of the standouts. 


     Coming Soon: The reasons you won't find my kids in an Islamic school...